fieldbears:

rathernoon:

my boss: hey remind me that i need to get some homo milk for my granddaughter on the way home

me: …h……. homo milk?

my boss: yeah homo milk

me: um?? explain?????

my boss: “homogenized milk” because we’re taking her off of formula

me: ohh,,, my god

my boss: what. WHAT

me: homo????

my boss: ???

me: HOMOSEXUAL???????

my boss: oh my god, ok, i see what you’re saying now, that’s not what i-

me: *shouting in a parking lot* HOMO!!! HOMO MILK!!!!!! GET YOUR HOMO MILK HERE, FROM FRESHLY MILKED GAYS

“I’m a homo, boss. Can you milk me?”

rainbowtalks:

dotingdamen:

when my dad moved away from home he needed a place to live, so he went to look at this one potential apartment. the only questions the landlady asked him were where he was born and when. when my dad told him, the landlady pulled out this huuuge astrology chart book. she looked at it for a long time in silence and finally said, “acceptable”

this is funny and awful at the same time

rainboflg:

theactualcluegirl:

sandersstudies:

I don’t want to be rich, I just want to be comfy.

Want to have one really nice set of plates and silverware for company and Thanksgiving.

Want to be able to buy a new outfit and a good bra at least a couple times a year.

Want to be able to give “just because” gifts.

Want to burn incense and candles in my home daily, and have nice soaps.

Want to be able to donate to charity frequently and without worry.

Want to buy hardcover books to read and put on a shelf for my kids to read someday.

Want to have candies in bowls for people who visit.

Want to be able to take my young siblings and cousins to a movie and let them get the big popcorn they won’t finish, because there’s magic in just having it.

Want to have a linen closet or at least a linen shelf.

Want to go see live local theater several times a year.

Want to have a bottle of wine or champagne in the house for when I suddenly need to celebrate.

Want to have a kitchen with basic baking supplies so I can bake bread on the weekend, and pies for special occasions.

I just want to be comfy.

That is my definition of ‘wealth’, as contrasted with ‘excess’.  As my mother in law put it – if I can see a little something in a store that I know a friend would love, and just BUY it for them without having to worry about whether I can afford it in the budget, that means I’m well off.  And that?  That is what I want.

For everyone.  

Everyone.

relatable…

roxilalonde:

roxilalonde:

as a gay person i’m very lucky to live in this century because given that millennials are the gayest generation on record, my chances of getting a girlfriend have, historically, never been higher

someone just tagged this #AND YET and i know i’m the op but mood

im-not-a-crack-pot:

punkrorschach:

aeleolus:

penfairy:

“I would eat his heart in the marketplace” is legit the most savage line I have ever heard, I’d like to personally thank Shakespeare for putting into words that feeling of rage and protectiveness women get when some fuckboy hurts another woman

Okay first off, I will always reblog this post, but secondly, I went to Shakespeare in the Park tonight to see this and all the women cheered *so loudly* when Beatrice said this line, and the guy in front of me looked around all shocked and a little scared and said “… oh wow” and it was ICONIQUE

The funniest part of this line is that it was considered hugely improper to eat ANYTHING in the marketplace so she’s not only saying she’d fuck him up but that she’d do it in a way that goes against social niceties.

Kinda like “I’ll fight you in church” or smth.

!

insomination:

alwaysboth:

elexuscal:

Their stories: Amazing grammar, soaring vocabulary, beautiful imagery and prose which flows like a river.

In chats: no capitalisation or punctuation, swears like a sailor, misspellings everywhere, acronyms and abbreviations every five words, idek

#listen #listen do u know how much braining it takes to make the words go? #it is a lot #it’s like wearing fancy clothes all day #and then when you’re at home and comfy #u just put on ur pj’s ( @feynites)

I have never related to a statement more than “do you know how much braining it takes to make words go?”

p0tbarbie:

Men think it’s ruder for a woman to say “don’t interrupt me” than it is for them to interrupt her in the first place

iamthewatcheronthewall:

procrastiwriting:

My main problem as a writer is that I don’t write because “I have a story to tell”. I write because there are worlds I want to visit, ideas I want to explore, people I want to meet, conversations I want to hear, emotions that I want to express, and impossibilities I want to make real.

Which means that I still need a fucking plot.

Omg! YES. My issue every time!