Bilbo: wait I get it now. The dragon is a metaphor for greed and power. We need to ‘defeat’ it by being humble when we get the treasure.
Thorin: Bilbo, for the last time, it’s a real dragon and it has my gold
It’s living in my house, Bilbo
Tag: tolkien
DM:
“The orc captain fires his bow, and…that’s a hit. And he rushes,
and…hit. And, bonus move, and…oh jeez that’s a *big* hit. I’m
sorry, man.”Player, sadly pulling out a fresh character sheet:
“Eh, it’s alright. I guess in the next act y’all are gonna meet
Boromir’s brother Faramir.”I just lost six followers
we watched the fellowship of the ring and so it called for a boromir (╥_╥)
(really quick and messy)
Based off of this post
Boromir: So Sam is short for Samwise?
Pippin: yep
Boromir: And Pippin’s short for Peregrin?
Pipping: yep!
Boromir: …and Merry’s short for Meriadoc?
Pippin: yep!!
Boromir: So what’s Frodo short for?
Pippin: cause he’s got little legs
council of elrond, more like
legolas please sit the fuck down, this is the second time you’ve stood up for the sole purpose of yelling at boromir
Legolas is mad bcos he knows Aragorn can’t get mad at Boromir bcos it would be undignified & dishonourable and all that so he’s like, I got you mate, I’ll yell at this asshole for u. Meanwhile Aragorn’s like Legolas it’s. Fine. Legolas stop.
Boromir: *carrying Frodo across a river*
Frodo: mmm this is nice
Frodo: can you just carry me the whole way
Boromir: …what all the way to Mordor
Frodo: yes please
Boromir: no
Frodo: I’ll be no trouble
Boromir: no.
Frodo: and you’re so big and strong…
Boromir: LOOK AT THAT we’re back on dry land down you go!
Frodo: aw 😦
*meanwhile*
Aragorn: *carrying Sam*
Sam: mrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrmm 😦
Aragorn: Sam please stop making that noise
Sam: mrRRRmmmRRRm
Aragorn: we’re almost across, look
Sam: mrmrmrmrmrmph
Aragorn: Sam
In the ideal modern lotr au, all locations should have an eery, abandoned vibe (like they do in the books). The kind of locations you stumble over on a road trip and are haunted by for the rest of your life.
Tom Bombadil’s house as an old tourist trap that hasn’t been altered since the 70s run by a too-friendly owner and his suspiciously beautiful wife.
Weathertop as a giant factory that became redundant decades ago and was left to rot.
Rivendell as a breathtakingly beautiful hotel that was fully booked every night in its heydey, but now is lucky to have more than two guests at a time.
Moria as an abandoned subway system… but is it abandoned?
Lothlórien as a fairytale themed amusement park built in the 50s that went out of business and was reclaimed by nature.
…I could go on.
Please do.
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