When I was training to be a battered women’s advocate, my supervisor said something that really blew my mind:
“You can always assume one thing about your clients; and that is that they are doing their best. Always assume everyone is doing their best. And if they’re having a day where their best just isn’t that great, or their best doesn’t look like your best, you have to be okay with that.”
Any now whenever anyone in my life, either a friend or a client, frustrates me, disappoints me, or pisses me off, I just tell myself They are doing their best. Their best isn’t that great today, but I have days where my best isn’t that great either.
Op I’d like to thank you for sharing this. Ever since the first time I’ve read it I’ve held it in my mind and it really has helped me to be kinder to others and to myself.
Protect platonic male/female friendships at all costs.
Write them. Read about them. Demand them. Decide the Harry and Sally law of “all male/female friendships will become romantic” is a bunch of bull and kick it to the curb.
Screw the guy getting with his girl best friend being the end of every romantic comedy. Have the guy go to his friend for advice. Have the girl tell him when he screws up. Have them sitting on the porch when the sun sets, talking about their day. Have them hug and laugh, and shout for joy, and never feel pressured to bring them in for that expected kiss.
Not all soulmates are romantic. We should stop acting like it.
Just a reminder that I am not going to be offended by you writing a character that has flaws, negative personality traits, prejudices and or general pitfalls in personality or mentality.
This culture of politically correct / glossing over the bad parts of characters out of fear of offending someone is honestly so frustrating as a writer and a role player and a general lover of media and fiction and drama and tension and angst and all of those things that create ebb and flow and character / plot dynamics in writing and media as a whole. People are allowed to be flawed. Real people are flawed and no one is perfect and if you take away all the negative traits there’s nothing left for conflict or development for that character or the people that interact with them.
You are going to find characters that are prejudiced against religious groups or skin color or sexual orientation. You are going to find characters that commit robberies and murders and violent crimes – for any and all sorts of reasons including just because they want to. You are going to have characters that commit mass murder or that incite wars just for profit. You are going to have characters that use slurs and insults that are offensive. It’s gotten to the point where people are being attacked for their characters doing something that is offensive or rude or evil when ? What exactly is the point of writing or role playing if there isn’t some conflict interpersonal or external?
It’s getting to the point where tumblr gets offended by a bad guy being a bad guy or a character being innately flawed because hey guess what – we all are – and it’s just to the point of ridiculous. Every story in the history of fiction has a problem, has a source of conflict, had an adversary, a bad guy, a bad group of guys, an empire of bad guys doing bad things and making bad choices. And no they aren’t always going to be redeemed. And no they aren’t always going to be stopped or defeated. There would be no story arcs, no plot lines and no true development without someone to be the bad guy in your story. Remember that.
“We invite the children of same-sex couples to listen,” said the radio announcer. “We invite the children of different-sex couples to listen. We do NOT invite the Children of the Corn to listen.”
“Not that there’s anything wrong with that,” a different voice cut in. “Some of our best friends are…” *realized what he was saying was ridiculous* “… corn.”
Growing up my parents taught me that if you’re too sick to [insert responsibility here] then you’re too sick to [insert something that makes you happy here].
It took me a really long time to unlearn this. When I would get sick or have a “bad day” I would deprive myself of anything that made me happy. Watching movies, eating something I enjoyed, going for a walk, playing video games or just browsing online looking at funny cat videos. I wouldn’t let myself do these things because I was always told that if I’m too sick to go to work, or do homework, or go to school then I must be too sick to play Mortal Kombat or watch Unsolved Mysteries lol.
Whenever I wouldn’t feel good, which I later learned as an adult was due to sleep deprivation caused by my ADHD and depression (and of course the depression itself would cause me to feel like shit), my parents would tell me “if you’re not throwing up, then you’re not sick.” And when I would stay home from school (or even work in my later teen years) my parents would make sure that I didn’t have any “fun.” No TV, no movies, no games, no going outside, no arts and crafts, no books, no nothing. Just lay in bed and feel miserable.
I’m happy to say that I no longer do this to myself. Now when I’m having a bad day or I’m sick (cold, flu or whatever) I allow myself to do the things (within reason lol) that I actually love doing. If I’m not too sick to step outside for a few minutes then I’ll go for a walk. I’ll watch my favorite movies and if it’s a bad day or a cold (something that doesn’t hinder my appetite too much) I’ll eat my favorite foods. I don’t guilt trip myself anymore for having a “sick day.”
Just because you’re sick (whether physically, emotionally or mentally) doesn’t mean that you can’t do things you enjoy. You’re not any less sick because you watch TV. You’re not any less sick because you’re playing video games.
Actually you SHOULD be doing these things when you’re not feeling good because they make you feel better. The better you feel, the faster your heal.
Thank you! I needed to read this.
My job isn’t physically demanding – I work in an office doing data analysis and database system configuration and maintenance stuff. I’m a spreadsheets nerd, basically. On my days off, I play games on my computer. So you’d think, I’m just spending all day staring at a screen either way, right? So if I’m too sick for one, I should be too sick for the other. Right?
But there’s a huge difference in effort required for pulling myself out of bed to my computer 20 feet away in the room down the hall, where I can huddle in my chair with a blanket and dick around in Stardew Valley or go blow shit up in Warframe all day without ever talking to another human being aside from Ozz, versus getting up early, making myself look professional and polished, leaving on time, driving to work, and spending 8 hours sitting up straight, interacting with people (which means being socially “on” and keeping up professional demeanor as well as appearance), attending meetings and making calls, having to be focused and mentally “on” enough to keep my work accurate and produce the high-quality deliverables my team relies on me for. If going to work requires an 8 out of 10 on the functionality scale, and playing a videogame requires like a 3, then it’s very easy to be too sick to go to work, without necessarily being depleted down to a 0 and unable to do anything other than laying in bed being miserable. It’s not a contradiction to say “I’m too sick to put out the effort to go to work/school” and also “I am not too sick to play videogames” even if they’re both “just sitting at a computer”.
I’ve even outright said as much when I’ve been feeling crappy and needed to leave early. “Look, I’m not functional enough to actually be productive right now, so I can either sit here and stare blankly at my work screen, or I can go home and stare blankly at my videogame screen, and if I’m not accomplishing much of anything either way I’d rather not be here wasting everyone’s time / the company’s money paying me for work I’m not doing.”
does anyone ever do the opposite of dissociate?? where youre just suddenly and uncomfortably aware of your situation and reality
more to the point why do i get that feeling when im sitting on top of my kitchen table watching a velveeta mac and cheese pack spin in the microwave for three and a half minutes and im just like I Exist I Am Here And Theres Nothing I Can Do About It
okay this one wins, everyone can stop reblogging this now
i know tumblr likes violent man eating mermaids but i fuck p heavy with pretty playful pretty scaled mermaids in warm sorts of waters keeping the tide gentle when lil toddlers are learning to swim and kissing the breath into good sailors because they have someone waiting on a cliff by the sea for them to come home and cutting seals and turtles out of netting and plastic bags
but maybe being from hawaii just made me think of the ocean of a safe cradley sort of place i know its scary i know it’ll kick your ass but sometimes its ten types of turquoise and and sometimes sea foam sticks to your eyelashes sometimes the sun hits your face even when you’re twenty feet under and i have a hard time forgetting its first and foremost a womb
so mermaids who watch the triple crown and scare sharks away from the surfers
Diary's Blog 