that thing kirk does in tos where something really intense might be going on or he might be stressed/upset but then he looks over to spock and his expression immediately melts into a warm smile and his eyes sparkle bc spock gives him so much comfort and just the sight of him is immediately grounding murders me every time ugH
(Wallace and Spock enter.) KIRK: Spock? SPOCK: Yes, Captain. KIRK: So, I’ve been relieved. SPOCK: I’m sorry, Captain. KIRK: Yes. You should’ve been a prosecuting attorney. SPOCK: Regulations require KIRK: Regulations. Don’t give me regulations. You’ve wanted command all along. First little excuse you get SPOCK: Captain, I have not assumed command. KIRK: I hope you’re proud of. What do you mean, you’ve not assumed command? SPOCK: I suffer the same affliction as you, sir. KIRK: If you’re not in command, who is? SPOCK: Commodore Stocker. KIRK: Stocker? Are you crazy? He’s never had a field command. SPOCK: Mister Scott was unfit for command. Commodore Stocker is ranking officer KIRK: No! Don’t talk to me about rank! The man’s a chair-bound paper-pusher. I order you to take command. SPOCK: I cannot, Captain. KIRK: Are you refusing a direct order? SPOCK: No, sir. Only Commodore Stocker can give a command order onboard this ship. KIRK: You traitorous, disloyal, you stab me in the back the first chance you get? Spock. Get out. I never want to have to look at you again. (Spock leaves.)
Above is a scene from “The Deadly Years”, which is the 11th episode of the second season.
To keep it short: the landing party encountered a virus that lets them age really damn fast. And by really damn fast I mean a day equals ca. 30 years. They are in a lethal race against time.
It always breaks my heart to see Jim fall apart in this episode, because he is an incredibly competent man. But it doesn’t take long for the virus to heavily affect him, Scotty and Bones, Spock has slightly more time due to his longer lifespan. Spock is responsible for Jim’s relief of command. He arranged a hearing with the main bridge crew and Commodore Stocker, because Jim’s status was deteriorating fast up to the point where he couldn’t remember a command he just gave a few seconds ago. It was the logical thing to do.
What follows is the
scene
depicted above.
The very first thing we notice is that Jim, who has bad hearing, who forgets things he just said, recognizes that it’s Spock entering his quarters without even looking at him. He even seems to be dozing, before the door opens.
However Jim DOESN’T realize that he isn’t alone with Spock, which is going to be pretty interesting further on. As you can see Janet Wallace (one of Jim’s old flames) is standing by the door, unnoticed by the good captain.
Jim feels, of course, betrayed by Spock, since he already guessed that he was relieved of command. His next words though are always somewhat puzzling to me. He assumes that Spock has not only taken command, but that this is what he has always wanted, while we know that Spock has absolutely no interest in commanding even an away mission, because it’s just not his forte.
What’s worth noticing is that Jim sounds exhausted and resigned. But not really angry just exasperated. Only when Spock replies that Commodore Stocker is the one in command now, Jim gets furious.
He accuses Spock of betraying him and the way he says it hints to something that’s far beyond professional. The way he says Spock’s name is breaking me every time I watch this episode. The look of utter disbelief and…lingering affection in his eyes in this moment is astonishing.
And then he tells Spock to leave, he wants to “never look at him again” and Spock is so completely and utterly destroyed by his words. You have to remember that they are aging 30 years a day! If they don’t find a solution soon than “never” will come tomorrow.
Look at him! It seems as if his entire world just collapsed into itself. He just died a little inside because he knows…he knows exactly how Jim looks at him.
And he knows that he will lose something unfathomable precious if he loses his captain, his friend. But since it is Jim’s wish that he goes, he does so, although it causes him almost physical pain. He leaves the room to confer with the doctor, still trying to find a cure for this virus.
BUT Jim isn’t completely alone, he watches Spock leave and turns around to face the door and Janet Wallace who was standing there THE WHOLE TIME. How do I know he didn’t notice her before? Because he stiffens when he sees her, he corrects his posture and immediately goes from “Jim” to “Captain Kirk” in a matter of seconds. He had no idea that she was there.
Which happens to be my favourite thing about this whole scene. My interpretation is that Janet Wallace represents the audience in this instance. Because through her eyes we witness something we were NEVER supposed to see: a moment of the utmost intimacy between Captain and XO that usually remains behind closed doors. They are both heartbroken and this is something they want to keep locked away from the crew and even McCoy at all cost. Whatever it is that slowly grows between them it needs to be kept secret in order to maintain professionalism. This scene, as painful as it is, represents a rare insight into the inner works of the dynamic between the two.
I wonder how Vulcans see Human marriage. When Vulcans pair off, it’s a bonding of their very souls, while Human marriage is just combining finances
So imagine Jim on one knee in front of Spock with tears in his eyes talking about how this is what he’s wanted more more than anything else and how if Spock says yes he’ll spend the rest of his life making him happy and Spock is just like “Captain, are your student loans that bad?”
do you guys wanna hear one of the saddest spirk headcanons i have
no but proceed anyway
so on away missions, kirk would often bring over flowers hes picked or little things he thought interesting enough to show to spock. sometimes he’d have spock hold onto his little souveniers (and promptly forget about them). spock would not forget, however. he had no use for them (often times the flowers were duplicates from samples he’d already collected and examined,) but they were too important to simply throw away because jim seemed fond of them and he asked him to hold them.
he’d press the flowers and oddly-shaped leaves, etc. in a book and note the star-date they were collected, the name of the planet, the coordinates, and the reason jim gave each sample to him (e.g., “smelled pretty” or “shaped like fran drescher”) underneath each one, cataloguing all of jim’s “treasures” in his own scientific way.
strangely, spock found himself pleased to add a new page, and stranger still, he found himself dreading the end of the book. he was very fond of it, and though he would never admit it, perhaps over the years it was the most precious thing he owned.
–
when spock learned of kirk’s decision to accept the promotion to admiral, he was deeply hurt to know they would likely never stand on the bridge of a starship together again.
spock doesn’t tell kirk of his decision to leave starfleet and return to initiate kolinahr on vulcan. instead, he leaves the book at the door of his apartment just before leaving for his shuttle. the treasures do belong to him, after all.
when kirk finds it and realizes what it is and what it means, it breaks him, and when he reads the inscription on the inside of the front cover: “The following samples have no scientific relevance or importance.” he literally can’t hold back the sobs. they have no scientific importance and yet he obviously kept them preserved so carefully, so lovingly. so very spock.
kirk realizes, after sobbing for hours with the book on his lap like if he took another look inside it would burn him, that he loves him. and that he’s gone.
Beautiful and sad
This is really beautiful and believable and heart breaking. I am going to remember this one.
My favorite OMS headcanon is that Jim retires and becomes a housespouse/ author and Spock accepts a teaching position on tenure. And Spock never really talks about his personal life with his students so they assume he’s unmarried. And Spock’s students are worried about him being lonely so they try to set him up with ¨this nice man about your age¨ and Spock doesn’t quite know what to do so he just goes and plans on explaining that he’s been happily married to Jim for almost forty years and they can’t date. But then he shows up at the cafe and Jim is there. So Spock decides to take matters into his own hands and he brings Jim to his class and they come in holding hands and everyone is like ¨Oh so the date went well professor Spock!¨ and Jim goes ¨So well we got married!¨ and the class descends into chaos.
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