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pumpkinanakin:

The lie they tell themselves:

The kisses and the touches never meant anything to either of them.

The truth of it all:

Obi-Wan had him pushed up against a wall in an empty corridor. It was a familiar scene like all the other times before.

(Like all the other times they said it would be the last time, except it never is. Not with them, never with them. Because it was never just one time-not when they both want more. Not when they keep thinking about it even when they pretend they don’t.)

Calloused fingers getting tangled in curls as Anakin pulls him closer. His mouth is soft and inviting but there isn’t anything tender in the kiss that they share. The kiss isn’t soft but isn’t brutal either. It’s one out of slight desperation, like this could be the last time they ever do this, like this time they won’t make out of the battlefield.

(Except it’s a lie isn’t it? It won’t be the last time they ever do this because it never is. Not the kisses and not the touches they share no matter how hard they both try to covince themselves otherwise. Anakin will corner him the next time they go out into the battlefield and kiss him like he’s afraid that he won’t get the chance to ever again. And Obi-Wan will let him kiss him because even though he never says it, he’s afraid that this time will be the time he won’t make it out alive. But even that’s an excuse isn’t it? They’re the team, they’re the team and they always make out alive don’t they?)

There’s a bit of blood between them, rough hands and even rougher lips. It isn’t new to either of them and they ignore the sting of it. The taste of blood and the restlessness burning through them and the need for more, more, more. Anakin always wants more, craves for more. Obi-Wan bites down on Anakin’s bottom lip, the quiet moan he lets out getting lost in between them. Obi-Wan can’t help the smile on his lips or the way his fingers tighten in Anakin’s hair as he feels the way he sudders under his hands.

(And how many times has this happened before? The two of them being desperate for each other and hands tearing at each other and lips leaving bruises in places no one will ever see. Obi-Wan leaning his forehead against Anakin’s and telling him they can’t. They can’t. And yet all Anakin has to do is kiss him and tell him yes, they can. And they both tell each other it’s the first and only time they’ll do this, but it isn’t, it never is. They pretend it never means anything. Or maybe they pretend it means something else entirely.)

They break apart and Anakin’s eyes are bright and begging and his curls are mused. Obi-wan is sure he isn’t much better. They compse themselves as they hear the footsteps coming down the corridor. And the walls will go back up and the lingering touches will burn them the way the longing looks do. And they walk back and pretend nothing ever happened between them. And when Anakin asks him to stay the night he knows the answer he should give, but he’s always had a weakness for Anakin and what can he say when Anakin asks him that? And when Anakin kisses him, this time something slow and tender and breakable, and Obi-Wan shouldn’t continue this but he does. And when Anakin asks him to stay again what can he do but just that?

(And when Anakin pretends that it meant nothing, Obi-Wan doesn’t try to remind him. It’s a familiar dance that they do. Pretending that nothing ever happened in the empty spaces between them. Pretending that the kiss and that the late night touches in their rooms at the temple and in empty corridors and their rooms on their ships never meant anything. Except that they do mean something because it happens again and again. But it was never really pretend with them was it?)