fieldbears:

rathernoon:

my boss: hey remind me that i need to get some homo milk for my granddaughter on the way home

me: …h……. homo milk?

my boss: yeah homo milk

me: um?? explain?????

my boss: “homogenized milk” because we’re taking her off of formula

me: ohh,,, my god

my boss: what. WHAT

me: homo????

my boss: ???

me: HOMOSEXUAL???????

my boss: oh my god, ok, i see what you’re saying now, that’s not what i-

me: *shouting in a parking lot* HOMO!!! HOMO MILK!!!!!! GET YOUR HOMO MILK HERE, FROM FRESHLY MILKED GAYS

“I’m a homo, boss. Can you milk me?”

maryburgers:

benwarheit:

Things I like about this decal on a restaurant window:
-the insane orange waiter
-that he’s carrying his plates in the air like a strongman
-the couple looks like this isn’t the first time he’s done this, but it’s easier to just let it happen at this point.
-the sign says PASTA as if he’s screaming it like a frankenstein
-but he’s holding a plate of an entire chicken and a plate of wine glasses
-there’s three wine glasses
-one’s for him.

This makes me laugh to the point of tears every time I see it

rainbowtalks:

dotingdamen:

when my dad moved away from home he needed a place to live, so he went to look at this one potential apartment. the only questions the landlady asked him were where he was born and when. when my dad told him, the landlady pulled out this huuuge astrology chart book. she looked at it for a long time in silence and finally said, “acceptable”

this is funny and awful at the same time

Talking with writers online

insomination:

alwaysboth:

elexuscal:

Their stories: Amazing grammar, soaring vocabulary, beautiful imagery and prose which flows like a river.

In chats: no capitalisation or punctuation, swears like a sailor, misspellings everywhere, acronyms and abbreviations every five words, idek

#listen #listen do u know how much braining it takes to make the words go? #it is a lot #it’s like wearing fancy clothes all day #and then when you’re at home and comfy #u just put on ur pj’s ( @feynites)

I have never related to a statement more than “do you know how much braining it takes to make words go?”